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CHAPTER 3

NAH, IT'S OKAY

The Ashman’s disciples

The Ashman, in his great wanderings, found many a disciple.  Others he crated crudely of Play-Doh, and others still he wrought from the spots he saw in the corner of his eyes.

Cat Boy

Born half boy, half cat, Cat-boy swore allegiance to the Ashman after witnessing him defeat the famed kung-fu-ist, Monkey.  Ashman trounced his foe through a cunning use of sticks, the likes of which has never been seen since.

Cat boy himself is the Disciple of the Spork, the fantastically self-conquering device that is rumored to be the key to the Garden of Edam.

Admiral Ackbar

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, this squid-like one spoke the immortal words “It’s a trap.”  The Ashman found this comment to be most profound, so Ackbar was post-deadly declared a disciple. 

This ignores all conventional uses of the word, but that’s the kind of bad-mother-fucker-spit-in-your–face-way-out-there-hella-cool-kung-fu shit you can pull when you’re a messiah.  The messiah.

Inverted Purple Monkey Dishwasher

The Purple Monkey Dishwasher is the anti-Ashman.  By inverting him, he becomes good.  See how easy?

Born of purple-monkey-dishwashing hate, this sad creature fell from grace when it besmirched the good-name of the Ash.  I’m running out of steam.  No more energy.  Bugger it , it’s only for that Secret Santa thing.